I belong nowhere…
I feel pretty confident that when Maya Angelou said this, she did not mean it to apply to the way I feel right now, and I suspect I am not alone in this either? Feeling that you don’t belong is the most unsettling and uncomfortable experience; you become isolated from everything and everyone, but most painfully, from YOURSELF! The worst thing is that the story you tell yourself is that there must be something wrong with you, right? Everyone else around you, on social media, at work etc, is happy, they are having amazing lives, posting pictures of themselves clearly ‘belonging’ and getting on with life, getting all their ducks in a row, smiling non stop…Life is a blast for them! They can keep all their plates spinning at the right speed and without pause, never dropping one, whilst also looking in control and gorgeous too. Yet there you are, stood in a sea of bewilderment, with life racing around you at a million miles per second, only to you it seems as though you’re in the midst of it watching it in slow motion. You feel totally overwhelmed, confused, ‘less than’ and lacking in all ways. If others fit in, why don’t you? Why do you feel so lost, out of sorts and empty and not knowing where you belong, where to call home or your true North?
Waking up every day wearing cement boots that make getting out of bed nigh on impossible, is not living. The effort needed to slide one of those grey cold dead weights even to the edge of the mattress is gargantuan and completely exhausting… The miracle is that you make it to the bathroom, and the pay off or reward is at least you get to sit down again and, ‘take a load off’ while you pee! But seriously, I ask you, how many of you are walking around just going through the motions, wearing highly decorative masks that give the illusion that you have all your ‘shit together’, and that life in your flower patch is blossoming with the sweet heady scents of contentment laden carnations, restfully replenishing roses, and love and laughter filled lilac bushes, when, in actual fact, and let’s be honest here shall we, the only scent filling the air is that of piping hot bovine bullshit ?
It is no secret that the world is going through a huge shift and change right now, and this is where for some of you I might be wandering into the realms of ‘WooWoo’, which will be a step too far, and will have you racing to hit the ‘return’ key and leave; but the talk on the streets is that we as a collective/beings are moving from 3rd dimension to 4th and sliding right on through into 5th dimension consciousness in the world right now. What does that mean? Well, basically it means living authentically, living a life that is on purpose and tuned into the universe and your higher self. Being able to manifest through thought, and to leave duality behind in favour of the liberation of oneness and pure love.
The transition through 3rd to 5th, not surprisingly meanders through 4th dimension , a place where your heart bids you listen to that voice that you keep caged in the recesses of your soul, whose whispers linger in your ear, pleading with you to acknowledge the life you are not living but deep within, truly want to be living. Part of the shift that is taking place en route to the 5th dimension, which I suspect you have probably somewhere in your consciousness already unwittingly rubbed shoulders with at some point in some subtle way, is associated with finding yourself, living for and loving yourself, letting go of what others think, renouncing the EGO and releasing learnt trauma responses to enable forgiveness, acceptance and peace to enter into your heart and life. The essence of what I am talking about is easily available in the media, podcasts, billboards; the subliminal message running through our subconscious these days is that we are not just here to hop on the treadmill, but that we are here to find our purpose and what makes us happy and to follow that, be it being creative, working with numbers, or a myriad of other activities that make us feel fully engaged and present in our own lives and bodies. Science has shown us that we are all energy vibrating and interconnected with every atom of the universe. We are sentient beings, originating from beyond the stars, from something that is infinite and limitless, something, somewhere we have forgotten, and do not remember we have forgotten.
5th dimension living is to do with us becoming more in tune with our higher selves, and the universe, our souls and spirit if you will, and using these to connect more with life, this human experience, the environment, ourselves and each other, and attempting to become authentic, fully present in all we say do and feel, and mindful in our daily life, by slowing down to take in the small details around us more. By assigning more importance to appreciating the little things, and focusing on our inner self, being more reflective, and engaging more willingly and consciously with our intuition, allowing forgiveness in, we are able to initiate a dialogue with our souls that is not only healing for us and our planet, but also life affirming, nourishing and life changing. We are seeing more and more that we need to heal old wounds, and face our demons, by engaging with our hearts and in so doing, work them through and allow them to leave us, so we are free from their claws and are no longer captive or slaves to old patterns and doctrines.
We remain so small when we believe that what we are experiencing now is all there is. Duality keeps us small, it makes us limited beings, and yet, as energy which is what we really are, we all have the capacity to be limitless. We really can manifest from thought…Yes, I know it sounds like the ramblings of a mad women, but it is true. You only have to look at the placebo effect to see just how powerful the mind can be…it can actually heal the body without drugs from all manner of diseases.
In the last decade at least, there has been a tsunami size wave of self help, alternative healing methods, inner child work, meditation, mindfulness, boundary setting, forest bathing, cold water emersion, journaling, talk therapy, healthy eating, organic foods and growing processes, gut health, acceptance of others, inclusion of others and acknowledgement and passionate preservations of human rights; a drive towards living the life you truly want, and the list goes on. Certainly, in the last five years or so, we have witnessed this wave growing in intensity, especially during the pandemic; and rather than leaving a trail of devastation in its wake, miraculously, a rich diverse and spiritually wholesome healing for many has followed. Covid was a truly terrible experience in one way, we can not undermine the pain, loss and ache that it brought to our hearts and souls, but in another way it brought a long overdue sense of perspective to this world. The earth itself seemed to take a long slow rejuvenating breath, and paused to slowly exhale and relax. Suddenly people began to ask questions of themselves, that until then, they had simply left to float around in the attics of their subconscious. They began to view their daily routines in more clarity and ask themselves if they were truly happy! Was this really all there was to life and living? Do I really have to do the same as everyone else does until I die? Is this fulfilling for me and more importantly, what is my purpose here? So many of us changed direction during the pandemic and are now living the lives we only dreamt of prior to it. We started to believe in taking risks and, ‘having a go’. We faced our vulnerability, embraced it and took the plunge, we stepped into the arena and dared greatly.
There has definitely been an awakening, more people than ever are turning inwards for answers, not looking outside of themselves to find their value, worth or boundaries, they are seeking to know themselves and bodies more and to find belonging within and to themselves. It is becoming common place to seek alternative forms of healing and welcome more mindful practices into our daily lives, be that attending yoga classes, or just taking a minute to meditate on our breath…It is no longer as, ‘Woo Woo’ as it was to take this time for yourself, and to challenge and question the routines that enslave us in patterns of behaviour that are ultimately killing us, and increasing disease and decay inside of our bodies and the planet. Even Cannabis in the form of CBD is becoming part of the universal vocabulary, and not just seen as a recreational drug any longer, but a way in which we can all reduce anxiety, pressure, worry and fear in our lives…The benefits of its relaxing, de-stressing properties are being harnessed and wholeheartedly embraced by people from all areas of life now. Medicine is also realising that the mind- body connection is far greater, more diverse and fundamental in the way in which we care for our bodies and quality of lives. The recognition that we can actually heal or kill ourselves with our minds and beliefs is huge, and opens up a pandora’s box of possibilities for medicine in the future.
There is a liberation taking place that is skin tinglingly exciting. People from all professions, creeds, generations etc, are waking up, stretching and dipping their toes into a way of living that until now, they have pooh poohed and written off as ‘Spiritual’ in a Hippy kind of way…But guess what, the Hippies were right…LOVE is the answer!
More and more of us are becoming aware of the necessity to move from a place of fear to a place of love. Fear holds us hostage in places we dream of escaping from, but love holds the key to that nightmarish cell, and unites us with our vulnerability and possibilities. Love is liberating, love is freedom. When we love ourselves fully and unconditionally, and accept ourselves and our imperfections, and others too, then we can no longer be hurt by other’s comments, judgements or criticisms of us. We become attuned to our limitations, frailties, humanity and we forgive ourselves these blemishes, we allow ourselves to get it wrong sometimes.
I am talking about LOVE in relation to self here, yes, obviously I believe that coming from a place of love in all that we do and say, is the way to go, it really does heal everything. For example, when you were a small child and you fell over, was it the plaster being applied to your knee that made you feel better, or the antiseptic cream that was slathered on, or, was it having your Mother’s arms wrapped tightly around you, her kiss tenderly placed on your forehead, her reassurance that she was there, and all was going to be alright…? Her simple act of LOVE was what healed you,
made you feel better and calmed everything down, brought the status quo back to the situation and enabled you to pick yourself up and carry on; your confidence to keep moving forwards increased, and your tears were stemmed purely because you received love. Love heals, it really does change everything. So it makes perfect sense to not only love others, but to love yourself too. In fact, the saying goes that, you can not love others unless you learn to love yourself first. However, this still isn’t something many of us are brought up to feel comfortable with, and can often be viewed as being selfish. I am not talking about loving yourself to the extraction of all others, absolving yourself from being sensitive to others needs and the impact you have upon them, that is not what I am suggesting. But we do actually need to offer ourselves radical self care, and realise that putting our needs first is not selfish but actually imperative if we are to get the best out of our relationships, careers, friendships etc.
There is a genuine need for us to learn how to love ourselves and where better to start than within the family and at school (home schooling would be an ideal place for this). If children were exposed to this at a young age, taught to reflect upon what makes them whole, what brings them joy, and why they experience the feelings that they do and how to express themselves freely, in a way that is authentic and true for them, that holds love at the heart of it and respect for self and others, and that their imperfections are something to celebrate, and perfection is not something over which to strive, then maybe mental health issues may start to improve. Choosing to live a life that is unique to you, is not a crime, setting and maintaining boundaries, saying, ‘NO’ when you need or want to, is not letting others down. So often we find ourselves trying to meet others expectations of us in an attempt to be loved, liked and fit in, but in the long run, by doing this, ironically, we tend to find ourselves isolated, lonely, bitter and empty…Why? Because in living your life in the service of others, there is no one left to focus on living YOUR life!! You neglect ‘SELF’. A selfless act, is exactly that…less of self! You can not continually meet others needs, and follow routines, careers and patterns that have been forced upon you, either by well meaning parents/loved ones or society as a whole…The by product of a life spent investing in this selfless behaviour is contempt, disrespect and humiliation, as people tend to take advantage of those care givers, pleasers and fixes amongst us, and far from valuing us for trying to please them, they take it for granted that we will, and expect us to put up with the crumbs they offer in return.
The rules can not fit everyone, they just can’t. We are all so unique, some are born with music in them, others with drawing, others dancing…Some are extroverts, some introverts. However, we are all born with a heart, a soul and free. We are not born with fear or expectations, we simply come here ready to, ‘BE’. We are not here to please others or to abandon ourselves in the pursuit of enhancing or enriching others lives at the expense of our own. The message we get as we grow though is that being different isn’t right. That we have to follow the routines laid down for us.
We are so quickly taught that we need to conform, even as babies there are growth charts with percentiles on them that are used to monitor progress, and woe betide if your baby is below or above the 50th centile, meaning they are not in the middle of the normal range. It isn’t meant to matter really, we all grow at different rates, and yes these charts are a useful evaluation tool, but it causes untold stress to some mothers, who then feel they are failing their offspring and not giving them what they need to meet targets, thrive and be like other babies their age.
There is a disconnect that has been forced upon us, very much like in Philip Pullman’s book The Golden Compass, we have been separated from our authentic self expression, our sense of freedom and higher selves, have been torn away from us, dissected from inside of us in a slow and painful process of societal conformism and enforced expectations, routines, and paralysing paradigms that run interference with the intuitive narrative that flows through us and that we are born with…It is cut out of us once we are born, the umbilical cord between this world and source is well and truly severed. However, for some there remains the echos of that place, that knowing that there is more, just like a ‘phantom limb’ when it is removed from the body…the mind still remembers and continues to connect with that limb albeit no longer present….The same is the case with us and our higher self, source, the universe, God, or whatever you choose to call it.
The problem most of us face is that we have become numb, going through life in a system that was drummed into us as children, which we believe we have to continue serving because we need to buy houses, pay bills and contribute to the trappings of society, which are often quite unfair and leave us drained and exhausted, with only two days out of seven and a few weeks out of a year, to indulge and express ourselves authentically in doing something we really want to do.
We are kept so busy with conforming (which is the plan) that our focus is held fast by the smoke and mirrors, so that we don’t challenge what is going on to
the left of us. Hence why Covid brought about a shift…people were forced to stop, physically and mentally, which lead them to look up from their lemming-like lumbering and begin to listen to the voice within and look for a place in the world where they felt more like themselves .
Loving yourself isn’t easy to do when you are focused on all of this though. If you are surround by toxicity, overwhelming commitments and misguided priorities that are sucking the soul out of you, rather like a dementor from the Harry Potter movies, then you are too exhausted to challenge anything or even contemplate implementing major change in your life. Taking risks is hard, especially when living in a conformist regime. Standing out comes with pitfalls, stigmas and more alarmingly, threats and consequences. This interference causes you to run on a frequency that is far lower than is needed to survive and experience the amazing life you could and were destined to have.
Many are doing just that now, being brave and seeking to stand out, breaking away from limiting beliefs in a plea to find their place of fulfilment and belonging. For example, more and more of us are converting vans/trailers/ horse trucks and building tiny homes, and in so doing are unburdening themselves of all their trappings, selling houses and belongings in exchange for a life lived on the road, traveling from country to country, waking up at the foot of the Dolomites, no alarm clock nudging them to get out of bed to join the daily commute.. Instead fresh air awaits, peace, a slower more mindful pace of life, harmony and oneness with nature; simple food cooked and eaten simply with friends/family or lovers. People are removing the blinkers from their eyes and beginning to see that they really can have the life they want, in the way they want it. Living in the moment is absolutely achievable. Letting go of worry, fear, and scarcity is the key to freedom and living from the heart. Being able to spend your day doing what you love, brings clarity of mind, it brings inner knowledge of self, inner calm, peace and ease. It affords you the greatest gift of all, connection to self, to your soul and nature. That is where you find the meaning of life. That is where you find beauty in all the small details around you, where you learn about what makes you, you. What floats your boat and what sinks it..
When you can connect in this way with your truth, you begin to see the exquisite intricacies in everyone and everything. You see yourself as connected with all things, be it a tree, a butterfly or your partner…You see yourself reflected in others, appreciating more fully their vulnerabilities and frailties, their gifts and strengths. You release expectations of them and situations and allow things to just happen and unfold as they will. You simply learn to just accept people and situations for who and what they are, because you have learnt to offer yourself the very same thing, and can see that you too are the embodiment of everything that surrounds you. But most of all, it offers you choice!
Loving yourself takes time, it takes courage, courage to live wholeheartedly and from the heart. Holding space for your needs and sensitivities, learning in detail about who you are, where there is room for growth. Celebrating your strengths and victories, and not being hard on yourself for things. Realising that we are all feeling a plethora of emotions each and every day, and each one is valid and speaks to us of our journey, if we take the time to listen. Feeling life fully, passionately makes us present, it makes us engaged and means that we are involved, we are in the arena, we are facing our shit head on, getting knocked down, but being brave enough to get right back up and go again, knowing that we will inevitably fall once more. The highs are worth the lows if we continue to evolve and grow. If we gain insight from them, then lying face down in the dust is a small price to pay. One thing is for sure, when you are on the floor, the only way, as they say, is up ! If a weed can nurture and yield the most delicate and intricate of flowers with its roots buried in the most inhospitable of rocks, soils and dust, then I feel certain that we can too. We all have that delicate intricacy nestled within our souls and core, waiting to be tended, nourished and acknowledged, so that it can blossom for all to see.
We are all manifesting the lives we are focusing on, if we are lost to ourselves right now and do not feel we belong, then the question has to be asked, ‘What is it that I am focusing on at this moment in time and what do I need to focus on to be able to live my most authentic life?”
We have to remember that ultimately we are more than this human body, we are spirit, energy and love. We are eternal and absolutely and unequivocally have the ability to have and live the lives we dream of living. We do not have to conform, and so many souls are proving this to us right now. They are stepping out of the illusion into reality, and finding peace, love and total happiness by living a very simple uncomplicated life where they call the
shots. Oneness is without doubt, achievable! It all starts from within though, making yourself a priority, healing YOU first. Consciously and purposefully listening to your intuition. Harnessing your thoughts and letting them manifest into reality around you in a way that enriches and nourishes your day to to day existence. Using your fear in a positive way, seeing it as an opportunity for growth, for new experiences and for letting go of old or toxic barriers that have kept you small and invisible. These negative elements have gaslighted you into believing that you can not have it all, that you are less than you actually are and can not achieve things, that you don’t matter and others do. Getting it right for someone else, is selfish, because you rob yourself of the simple and intrinsic pleasure of pleasing you, of knowing yourself completely and of realising your magnificence and power, and ultimately of being able to give back more holistically to the world around you. Giving yourself permission to put your needs first, addressing them and being true to yourself, is the most precious gift you will ever receive. Falling in love with ‘you’ is an essential element in living an undiluted, unique and uplifting life.
Connecting with ourselves, being brave enough to seek a way out of what drains us, makes us empty and numb, and instead embodying love and demonstrating it every day for and to ourselves, others, and the planet is the point at which, I believe, we will genuinely become fully fledged and holistically functioning citizens of the 5th dimension.
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